Miscommunication

When talking about interpersonal communication, miscommunication is an interesting and wide topic, and definitely something I've experienced a lot of. Miscommunication happens a lot due to differences in gender, culture, perception, language, nonverbal cues, and listening behaviors. I wanted to focus on how nonverbal cues can affect miscommunication.

As the book points out, nonverbal communication often conveys more information than verbal and is usually believed over verbal when there is a conflicting message. A lot of the time nonverbal cues do help us understand messages better or can help us discern the truth when someone may be lying. However, there are also times when we assume that certain nonverbal cues mean things because we relate them to what they "typically" mean. If we see someone crying we may think they are sad. If we see someone laughing we assume they are happy. If we see someone glaring we may think they are mad. Yet, if we do not have enough information to back up our assumptions, we may assume the wrong thing (which can sometimes lead to problems if we act on those wrong assumptions). For instance, seeing a person cry may not necessarily mean that they are sad. They could be crying from joy, frustration, anger, sorrow, etc. Assuming the wrong thing in this instance wouldn't have as much of an impact compared to if you are actually interacting with someone.

For instance, this past semester I had a conflict with a friend which led us to not talking for awhile. My roommate is also a close friend of this person. During this period I was very busy, I was in and out of the apartment a lot due to school work and projects. When I was at the apartment I was keeping to myself because I was trying to finish assignments and my verbal cues such as facial expressions and composure were mostly due to stress and lack of sleep. However, my roommate associated the situation with how I was acting and thought that I was acting that way because I was also mad at her and didn't want to talk to her (which was definitely not the case). This led to her being upset and avoiding me for a little bit. She finally confronted me and told me how she was feeling and that she was concerned. We sorted things out, but I felt bad that she thought I was mad at her. I apologized for being busy and stressed and told her that my actions were not associated with how I felt towards her and that I wasn't mad at her.

My sister also experienced miscommunication due to nonverbal cues recently when she was introduced to a new friend. She was acting like her normal self, being friendly, smiling, and so forth. People that know her, know that she acts like that to all of her friends. However, her new friend didn't know her that well and read her actions as though she was interested in him. This led to him becoming interested in her and asking her on a date because he thought those were the signals she was giving him. Sadly, he was disappointed because my sister only saw him as a friend and wasn't wanting to date. I think this happens a lot though between guys and girls. A lot of times we get "mixed signals," or we assume what some signals mean because some nonverbal cues are associated with typical meanings. I think a lot of the time the opposite sex has a harder time "reading" nonverbal cues because of gender differences. I think girls can also be guilty sometimes of trying to use certain nonverbal cues to communicate with a guy and they expect for guys to understand them. When the guys do not understand, it causes the girls to get frustrated. I think in general, guys tend to be more direct than girls.

I think nonverbal cues are very important and a lot of the time help us to understand our conversations better. However, I think we should be wary of misinterpreting these cues and acting on our own assumptions. Miscommunication is going to happen, but its important to also listen and learn from our mistakes. When I assume things about my friends based on their nonverbal cues, and they correct me and tell me that it means something else, then in the future I will not assume the same as before but will know what they really mean when they act a certain way or do something in a particular way. I also try to learn from the way my nonverbal cues come across and may cause miscommunication. Sometimes I just tell my friends what my facial expressions or actions really mean if they interpret wrong. On the other hand sometimes I try to change my nonverbal cues to avoid miscommunication. Like in the since of my roommate, when I realized how my nonverbal cues made her feel, I changed my actions so that she knew I was happy to see her and be around her (and try to not let my stress be as visible). Similar to my sisters situation, I've had times when guys have misinterpreted my nonverbal cues. In these instances, I will act a certain way, which is different than I normally act but is a way to make sure that they don't take an action the wrong way.