Conflict

The way that we handle conflict is shaped a lot by our background in terms of culture and family beliefs. I have been raised more according to individualistic and low-context models. According to individualistic beliefs I was taught more to value the rights, needs, and goals of the individual and that it is alright to disagree with people. Low-context is where all parties are expected to be clear about the source of disagreement and be upfront about a resolution or suggestions. Usually when it comes to conflict I have always liked to be upfront about the issue and get it resolved. When I see conflict and I think that there is a way to resolve it, I don't like to just ignore it and let it worsen. I usually like to manage conflict through either accommodating, compromising, or collaborating. Though I value the rights and needs of individuals, I also value the rights and needs of others a lot and therefore, when I find it appropriate I like to be accommodating if I feel that it is the best way to resolve that issue and be respectful of the other person. A lot of times I feel this way is more appropriate when it comes to my parents, superiors, or friends from other cultures who handle conflict differently. At other times I feel like it is appropriate to compromise when a win-win situation is not really possible. I think that compromising helps the other person feel like they aren't completly losing out on the conflict. But most of all, when it comes to conflict especially with my peers such as close friends or my roommates, I like to try to collaborate. Through collaborating, I like to talk things out with the other person and figure out how we can both make things work. The problem with these types of management is that they are more time consuming and sometimes more difficult, and if the other person isn't wanting to collaborate then it can cause more conflict or lead to other management strategies such as compromising or accommodating.

The way in which I handle conflict has especially been influenced by my family because I didn't like the way that my mom handled conflict. Whenever we had conflict in our family, she usually saw it as she was right and things needed to be solved her way. Most of the time my sister and I felt like she overreacted about a lot minor things. If she had tried to approach things in a more calm manner and not get mad or defensive upfront, I think that we would have avoided a lot of conflict in my family. On the other hand my dad was not very confrontational and liked to solve conflict by talking things out and finding the best solution. Because I didn't like the way my mom handled conflict whether it be with me, my sister, or my dad, I told myself that I didn't want to be like that. I like to respect people and try to maintain harmony. Even if I feel strongly about something I like to try to present it in the least offensive way and figure things out in a manner that will keep negative feelings from building.

The interesting thing is that lately, the way I handle conflict has changed some due to my circumstances. As I mentioned before in my other post about relationship maintenance, I haven't had as much time this semester to really sit down and talk with my friends about things, especially when it comes to problems or conflict. Since I don't want to make things worse I've adapted more to just thinking that the conflict will work out on its own, or that I can get over it for now and address it later. The problem with this, is that it allows for something to build up when it could have been addressed at an earlier time and avoided people blowing up at each other. I've never really had this problem before because I usually like to address things when they come up and have it resolved instead of just ignoring it. As I look back on it now, even though I felt like I didn't have a lot of time to talk, I think it would have been better to take a few minutes out to talk about issues instead of avoiding them or letting them build up.