Family

Family - What is a family?

Our class addressed this in the discussion week about intimate relationship but I wanted to talk about it a little bit more in respect to my own family and some of my friends.

There is a certain general idea of what a family is and as the book notes, a family usually exhibits at least one of these three fundamental elements: genetic ties, legal obligations, and role behaviors. Each family however I believe is unique and is defined by its family members. Each family is different and I think this causes people to have their own definition of what a family is or what it means to them.

For instance, part of my definition of my family is defined by genetic ties. The people who I include in my family are either through blood or marriage (but in my family there are not any individuals who I consider family that aren't related to us through blood or marriage). I also define some of my family members, such as my mom and dad, by legal obligations. My parents have provided for me my whole life and have also chosen to support my sister and I through college and graduate school (even though they are not obligated to). However, my parents are more than just people who gave birth to me and provide for me. They are also people that I spend a lot of time with, care about, and love. We share what is going on in our lives and support each other emotionally as well. Part of my family I also consider my grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. My grandparents on my dad's side are especially an important part of my family because I grew up next to them for about 12 years. I spent a lot of time with them whether it was at their house, shopping or going to events, or going on vacation with them. They took part in raising my sister and I and are therefore very close to me in terms of my family. I also consider my cousins, aunts, and uncles family because we see them each year at either holidays or for birthdays. For me, though I care about them, I am not as close to them. I see our relation more through just genetic ties. One cousin however, is closer to me because she use to babysit my sister and I a lot when we were little. I know my other cousins are a lot closer to each other than I am to them because they have been able to spend more time together. I think that the amount of time spent with family affects how a person views their family. If a person's parents divorced and they were only able to see their dad a few times during childhood, then their idea of a father is going to be very different from someone who's parents weren't divorced. Also, if you have family members that you see on a regular basis, or those who may have moved in with you such as an aunt or grandmother, then you will have a different view of your family than if you saw your cousins a few times in your life or if your grandparents lived in another state and you could only see them every couple of years. I have several friends like this who have told me that they do not get to see their cousins, aunts, uncles, or grandparents as much because they either live in other states, or live in another country.


Even when comparing two people who both have family members that live/lived at home, their view point on these family members will be different depending on the nature and character of the people. For instance mine and my friends father both lived at home when we were growing up. However, my father was encouraging and supportive while my friend's father was not and was verbally abusive to him and his family. Because of this, My view of a father is definitely different than my friends. To him, his dad is mainly just an association through genetic ties and legal obligations but other than that he doesn't really want anything to do with his dad because of how his dad treated his family as he was growing up. How we view each member in this sense, how each family member relates to us in a social and emotional way, determines the roles of each member in the family. I think these specific roles are the main reason why each family is so unique. My mom is the type of person that tends to overreact and would yell at me and my sister a lot. My dad on the other hand is the type of person that likes to work things out calmly and because of that my sister and I would tend to go to him more when we had problems. Since each person within a family is different it allows for a lot of diversity within family systems.

In all, families vary a lot and as the book mentioned it is hard to really define what a family is because people have so many different views on their own family. For some people their family may not be a big part of their life and may not be supportive in any kind of way. A family may not mean as much as some of their close friends mean to them. For me, my family/relatives are the people that have always been there for me since I was born and will be there no matter what. Friends come and go but my family is always there to support and love me and I will always be there for them. My idea of my family will start to change as my sister and I start to have families of our own in the future. But our idea of what a family is has been influenced by our mother and father and will cause us to see our family in a similar way. Meaning that we will also believe that are families are a support system, in that we will always be there to love them, help them, and be a part of their lives. For me, it will be important to find someone who has the same values and beliefs of a family. Even if the other person's family was not supportive or he hardly saw his family, I would want to find someone who would be accepting of seeing our family and would want to raise our kids with care, love, and support.